Turn of Events.

Not to bring you all down.

As you may know, or not.... my engagement with Robby ended two weeks ago.
We're still friends...

But after he left back to TX for the whole car thing and such..he never returned. After a long talk, we were both honest and found no middle ground. There was no cussing or calling of names as we broke each other's hearts with our honest words. We both want to stay in the states we're in. I feel weird though because he seemed happy here... to me it seems as if he has been sucked up into the mud he once left because of a depressing event that forced him out. He has no job and is now saying he'll just go to school. I don't know what happened from then up until now..but I've somewhat lost a best friend. Although we still talk, I just feel a bit...further from him. I trusted he would come back like he promised. After many talks it seems he is just so wishy-washy in what he wants in life and that is not something I can bring into a marriage. I was really the one who ended it. He didn't want to but he knew it was the realistic thing to do. We couldn't afford to keep on the ridiculous long distance thing if we both were heading in two different directions... we just couldn't. Neither one of us were going to leave. I made my decision to stay here... I have my job, family and friends. His family is nice but I didn't feel like I completely fit in. They're way different and I felt spiritually drained...u_u They have way different views and morals than my family... I just felt...only close to Robby in TX and just thinking of if things went wrong there..I'd be alone in that state... I thought he was happy here but I guess not.

I don't blame anyone. I surely don't blame God, I only question Him on what happened and what will happen. I haven't gotten my answer yet but I know I will. I have had more peace than I thought I would lately... and I am happy to know Robby and I can still talk. We're still nice to each other...and he keeps telling me he misses me, so I tell him I haven't gone anywhere heh...

Meh. It's a sad thing to have happened but it is better than a divorce on our hands. We're still both young and I will continue to stay strong through all this... Who knows? One of us could still end up moving in the future and be together again. I don't know.~


-

B.

Obstacles

When obstacles get in your way, don't just jump over them...knock 'em down so you don't have to run into them again!


Lately I've been really annoyed by the anxiety I get sometimes, especially in cars. It wasn't always this way. I use to only get it during the summer when I'd have nothing to do at all. Ever since I returned from my Texas trip I've been dealing with it every month. It's very annoying...sometimes scary, usually annoying. *sigh* I was told by my doctor once that medicine should be the last resort and so I never really asked to be put on pills. I still kind of avoid it. I've felt healed from this before so I'm not sure why it suddenly has come back.... it's weird.

Since Robby has been back in TX I've been missing him. I also have a convention I'll be going to next week and it has me a little worried. I haven't traveled anywhere further than an hour away. For some reason cars get me anxious. I feel like I have no where to go if I get an anxiety attack. See, my problem is this MIND that keeps thinking negative thoughts which makes me sick... -_-; Rarely do I actually feel just anxious for no reason.. I usually give myself a thought and then I'm like -spaazzzz- My body overreacts.

Sometimes I really wish I was "normal" but then I think how everyone has problems, theirs are just different. So what is normal? Heh. MEH. I will survive this though. Right now my mom is home for lunch. She's taking her lunch break and we're going to go for a walk soon. :] I'm also hoping to Rollerblade. I'd like it if my sister joined but I haven't heard from her today so we'll see....

I'll be okay...just need a breakthrough.

HE LEFT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Babidee is GONE.




FOREVER?


Not really. What's up with the post you ask? It's just me being silly. I'm listening to some music my sister gave me. It's nice and positive.

Robby's in Tehaz now (Texas). He had to get some stuff done to his car...like some inspection. He couldn't afford to register his car here and go through the whole new plates/smog/tags crap. So he went back. He's visiting family and bringing more stuff back. Some people have said "What if he doesn't come back?". I know he is. :O I trust him and he's been telling me he already wants to come back lol. He also left his ps3, tv, clothes and other things. Hehe.

Anyway.. I miss him a lot but I've been doing good. I got use to distance...and knowing he's coming back in like 2 1/2 weeks helps! Hehe. I love my Robby. He's great.... =)
I thank God for the changes in my life. I may not always feel the best but I've been doing well.

Welp. I'm going to draw something for a friend and possibly update my costume blog. Arg.


(Aren't me and my sis hawt? 8D)
-
"B"

There Will Always Be Distance.

It's been 2 1/2 months since Robby has been here and I've really grown attached to him. We've been inseparable this whole time. Even though I have work, I don't work a lot of hours during the week and Robby has even joined me sometimes at work. He's a really helpful person....not too picky either.

I've been meaning to write more about my life and all but I've been busy. Sort of. I think I should rephrase that, I've been lazy and slightly busy. The only reason why I'm really updating my blog is because Robby will be leaving tomorrow back to Texas. Not forever, just for a few weeks because he needs to have his car inspected. He's not a resident here yet and to have a non-resident register their car in CA...it comes out to over $500... and that's just for registering it. He'd also have to get it smogged and buy his tags. *sigh* So since he hasn't had a job, he has no money for it and I don't even have the money for it. This leaves him with the only option of driving back home to get it "reinspected" for like 30 bucks. Gas money will be about $300. So he still has to pay but his mom is helping him go there and we're going to help him come back (It's $150 there and $150 back). So he saves money, gets to visit his family and is bringing back one of his little dogs. It's a good thing but sucks at the same time because of the loooong drive and us having to be away from each other for almost a month. ._.; He MIGHT come back sooner but we're not sure. He feels he owes his mom and is going to help around the house and earn some cash while there.

While this crushes my heart to be apart again, I know this is how it just is. We're from two different states. There will always be distance between something or someone we love. The distance will always be there. Despite it though, we love each other and he knows I'll be here waiting for his return with lots of cool plans. :]

I'll probably be writing again, but it may be a bit sad lol. I don't know. Right now though he is here and I should spend time with him!!!

-
B.

Even now..

It's hard to believe the love of my life is here. It's been almost 5 years of a relationship, but a week and a half of him being here and we're still learning more things about each other. I've noticed how organized he really is. He's noticed how I don't like to be picked on when I'm focused on a project. Heheheh. Sometimes we get mad, but we haven't really fought yet.. we're doing good.

Right now he's on my bed playing a game while my sister watches. I've just been online shopping for Christmas. Last nigh we changed my room around so it's easier to watch tv. He brought his ps3, computer and wide screen tv here. We have his in the living room though because it was bigger(37in) than the one we had and ours (32in) was moved into here. It does the job (for now mwuahaha).

I've slid back a bit though on my bible reading. I've just been busy spending time with Robby but I have felt a little spiritually hungry so last night I read a chapter out of Hebrews while Robby just leaned against me and listened. He brought his Bible too...^_^' But yaaaah.....we're doing good. I think my mom wants to move out after the holidays, but not out of town just to a house here so we have more room. She's really happy Robby is here. He helps out with fix-it problems and makes us feel more secure since he's a strong man..lol

Ahh, I thank God for everyday I get to see Robby. I really do feel for him though when he misses home and I try to be of any comfort I can. He made such a big leap to come here (and by that I mean a very loooong trip). I feel so loved. Now I know Robby truly loves me. Oh! Yeah I know in a way he's living with me (and my mom) but he's very respectful of me... :]

I'll post pictures and videos later. Just thought I'd update my blog!
-
"B"

New Blog name.. ;3

You may have noticed I changed the name of this blog. I wasn't feeling the other one anymore, it didn't really fit the mood. I think this one fits more...

So I have about one day and 12 hours left until I see my love. I'm so nervous, I feel kind of sick. Heheh. I'm okay though, I just haven't seen him in..7 months so..I'm just a big ball of emotions right now.



It's hard to believe I'll be seeing him again. It's been an emotional rollercoaster for me. Augh. T___T I feel so happy for having so much faith... God is just overwhelming me! I looked at my prayer list and so many prayers have been answered! D:

Never giving up...and changes.

I wonder if we really are moving? I know my mom is pretty tired of our current place of living due to many unfortunate happenings and rude neighbors. I know there will be turmoil wherever you live but some places have a bit too much. Especially apartment complexes. I'm pretty sure we are finished here. It will be weird not living around this area, but I am ready to move into a home. Yes, I still live with my mom and I am not ashamed! I help out with cleaning and buying foods or other things she needs. I am a good daughter to my mom and we rarely argue. I respect her and show her all the appreciation she needs. I also keep my room and bathroom clean for the most part. I like to show I appreciate what I own. She says she likes me living with her. I know I'd never last living alone. I get lonely too fast. Grrr........

Oh! Robby is definitely moving here to try out California. I really can't believe it. I honestly think about this everyday. I will sit and think of how I can't believe he will be here... but of course I believe it otherwise I wouldn't be so happy! I wish he was here already!

I know some of my friends may become jealous or miss me because I will be hanging out with Robby a lot but I need to. I need to get to know him even more since I still plan on marrying him. We are best friends. We share everything together. He just makes me so happy...we've even been reading the Bible together whenever we're on the phone or videocall. It's just really been nice. I'm so thankful to God. I know for a fact it was because of Him. Just before this happened my mom prayed really hard, and the Holy Spirit spoke through her. She was praying things I never thought she'd even think of.... she prayed that if he needed more in his life that he'd move here. Soon enough Robby's feelings about CA changed and now he'll be here. It's just amazing. He seems happier too about it all. We're so excited to see each other. I knew if it was meant to be we'd be together ;~; I just had the faith...despite the hard times where I felt down. I never truly gave up.


~ B.